Dear Vice,
Since we last spoke, I have finished the assembly of a rideable long board that weighs 22.6796185 kilograms. I cannot verify this, but it may well be the heaviest board in existence.
I made it from one and a half inches of Baltic birch plywood with a layer of hardware wire sandwiched in the middle, along with three coats of fiberglass resin for extra strength. I call it the ‘Skate Boat’…

It can be used as an emergency flotation device and can possibly stop a nine millimeter bullet at medium range.  This will one day be tested once I get tired with it’s existence and build myself a new board like I seem to do annually. The paint job is meant to mimic what was painted on the P-40 Warhawk of WWII.

All the best,
9Lives