Image by Christopher Classens

One thing about hip-hop, man… it’s real. It is a thing that exists. Sometimes hip-hop gets extra real, though, like last week when a dude at a Slim Jesus show decided he wasn’t real hip-hop and snatched his microphone, or that one time KRS-One literally tossed PM Dawn off the stage for pretty much the same thing, or anytime, like, Immortal Technique does a thing. But how can you tell when hip-hop is real and when it isn’t? How do we root out the scourge of fake hip-hop? Let’s rip through rap history for clues. Here are 50 times hip-hop was real. Let’s use their example to Bring the Game Back to Its Essence and maybe Kick Off Another Golden Age.

When kids in the Bronx discovered Kraftwerk

Every time Rakim rapped, and you couldn’t hear him pause to breathe

Flavor Flav and Chuck D telling us 911 is a joke

When Kool Moe Dee smashed a Kangol under his Jeep on the How Ya Like Me Now cover to get at LL

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He didn’t like it.

Snoop and Dre having nuthin but 40’s in the fridge in the “Nuthin But a G Thang” video

Stay strapped at all costs.

Wu-Tang Clan actually turning out to not be anything to fuck with

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The motherfuckin’ ruckus was brought.

J Dilla’s entire life

That one time Zev Love X from KMD bought a Doctor Doom mask

Hey!

When Kendrick Lamar told us we’re gonna be alright

When Ice Cube got fired on his day off in Friday

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Craig. Craig!

Busta Rhymes hitting the Cha Cha

Drake who?

Rawkus Records, am I right?

When Outkast rescued me, you, your mama, and your cousin too

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Why was there a desert in the forest, again?

The first four minutes of the movie Belly

Puff and J-Lo fleeing the scene of a 1998 nightclub shootout

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Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she got.

When Omarion and Marques Houston did it for Lil’ Saint

When Troy Ave brought New York back

It’s still unclear what or where the city was brought back from.

Every time DJ Khaled needs “another one”

Every time Jadakiss told us what color the whip was

“You can’t stand Kiss / Coming through the hood in an Aston Vanquish the color of dandruff”

Every time Young Thug dresses himself, and it go motherfuckin viral

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Thug stays dressed, haters stay pressed.

When Lil Flip came thru the garage sale

When 2pac told Yo! MTV Raps he beat up the director of Menace II Society and caught an assault charge

When Ralph McDaniels interviewed the Roc-A-Fella Records camp backstage at Summer Jam 2001, but Jay Z just did sign language

“…”

Nas

Whose world?

Cam’ron resisting a carjacking, getting shot, driving himself to the hospital, and refusing to cooperate with police afterward

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Stop snitching.

When Foxy Brown took 32 grams, chopped it in half, doubled it times three, divided the profit by four, subtracted by eight, and added the other two that Mega brought through

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Affirmative.

Webbie getting baptized in a barrel on Easter Sunday in a white tee, jeans, bandana, and gold watch

The time Lil Kim was gone for a minute but then she came back with “The Jump Off”

When Boosie’s daughter told y’all her daddy was coming home

Every time a sitting President of the United States got mad at Kanye West

Like we always do at this time.

Future

Freebandz, Freebandz.

DMX constantly trying to find his dogs

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When Lil B met Clams Casino

The time dude nearly died crashing his motorcycle tricking down the highway in Drag-On’s “Spit These Bars” video

Who left the footage in?

Every time Mary J. Blige hits a two-step

Get it, auntie queen.

When Pimp C challenged Atlanta rappers’ dope prices

When Papoose had the five boroughs in his hands in the “Touch It (Remix)” video

Streets mad delicious.

That one year everyone wore accessory aviation goggles

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I had two pairs.

Nicki Minaj frying all our lookin asses

We deserved it.

Joe Budden scoring a hit no one realized was about jerking off

Pump what, now?

J. Cole scoring a hit everyone realized was about jerking off

Shouts out rap songs that double as condom instructionals. (“The J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, the J, the I, the M”)

Whenever Angie Martinez rapped

The movie BET always plays where Q-Tip goes to jail for killing Fat Joe

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Spoiler alert: It’s bad.

Redman taking MTV Cribs to the bando

Cribs

The whole Dungeon Family LARPing on the cover of the Even in Darkness compilation

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“To become forever more Excalibur.”

Every time Trap God Gucci Mane blesses an artist, and they blow up afterward

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Waka, Nicki, Thug, Future, Migos…

Beyonce’s “Upgrade U” verse being better than Jay’s

Lil Wayne’s “Upgrade U” verse being better than both

Jim Jones’s mother crafting a diss song, video, and commemorative t-shirt after an argument with her son’s fiance.

Eminem’s mom did it first but with a fraction of the #BARZ and finesse.

T.I. and Tiny’s animated Holiday Hustle Christmas Special

Craig got the real live shit from front to back. Follow him on Twitter.