ASS WORSHIP 8
Playboy Playboy

• His little pecker is just like a rifle. He’ll shoot piss a good eight to ten feet and squirt poop a few too. The kid is a time bomb and has already developed an effective strategy for firing singles and doubles of shit when the backstop is down for maintenance. Sarah has already been hit in the face with poop a few times.

• Breastfeeding is the way to go. It gets us guys out of all kinds of work. We can’t feed the kid, so we’re really helpless. Plus you can make the kid give the middle finger while he’s sucking.

• Sarah’s most fun thing now is using those titty bombs for her pleasure. She’s shooting a good four feet now and can hit a dime right in the middle. Seth got it in the left eye the other morning. Lactating tits are no match in range for the boy’s pecker when he’s full of piss, but Sarah can fire at will, whereas you have to wait for the kid to fill up again before you can shoot him.

This is the kind of information that I’m eager to learn. I someday hope to write a parenting guide for people of our generation, people who have done far too many drugs and simply want to know what kind of fun and practical uses there are for kids, aside from fetching the paper and rolling over.

CHRIS NIERATKO
For more of Chris Nieratko go to NJSkateshop.com.