John Holmes had a huge dick. You might have already known that, but I’ve never seen Boogie Nights or Wonderland, so I had no idea who this guy was. Anyway, apart from having a lot of naked people pictures in it, John Holmes: A Life Measured In Inches turns out to be a ridiculously well-researched, unbiased account of Holmes’ life. And it was interesting, too, even for a shamelessly ignorant (albeit exceptionally good looking) person such as myself.

The book begins with Holmes’ shitty childhood. His dad was an alcoholic
that barfed on him. His mom married another guy, who didn’t barf on him but he did regularly beat his head in.  Holmes
had a giant penis and the ability to cum on cue and he was the first
porn star ever. Porn wasn’t even legal when his dick was being filmed!
He got rich and then he became a cokehead. He supported his addiction
by robbing everyone he knew. He also turned his 16 year old girlfriend
out.

Holmes was a total mess, which led to his involvement in the Wonderland
murders. After robbing a dealer, a heist he was partly responsible for
orchestrating, four junkies were found lying in pools of their own
blood, their skulls completely pulverized. What exactly happened
remains a mystery, but the book sheds light on several different
accounts and scenarios. Holmes ended up dying of AIDS-induced
complications at the age of forty-three. I hope I didn’t just give away
the ending. A Life Measured In Inches serves up details on pretty much
every aspects of Holmes’ life. It’s also got a brief but notable
history of the American adult film industry, which every good
porn-addict should read. 

Holmes will be remembered for his roles in films such as Hard Soap,
Hard Soap, California Gigolo and Saturday Night Beaver.

MEL C.