BY ROCCO CASTORO
PHOTOS BY ED ZIPCO
Special Thanks to the Wreck Room

Portugal

France

Japan

Jamaica

Sweden

Mexico

Belgium

USA

Germany

PEDRO
Liqueur From Beira**

SOPHIE
French Absinthe

MASAKI
Shōchū

OMAR
Jamaican Rum

MILÈNE
Aquavit

ALEJANDRO
Silver Tequila

MOENEN
Jenever

ALYSSA
Bourbon

VANESSA
Hunt-master**

* Russians, anyone from anywhere in the UK, and Poles were excluded because these territories have produced some of the highest-functioning drunks of all time. We cite Boris Yeltsin, Winston Churchill, and Pope John Paul II as evidence.

** The trademarked names of these spirits have been translated into English because we did not have legal permission to use them. Google our translations to decipher what their labels really say. France franc francia