What if I were to tell you that Paris Hilton has a new single, and that that new single is her saying spoken word shit like “No one is safe in the Twittersphere any more” over a beat that sounds a bit like “shoes” made by an unbelievably awk progressive-house duo called (eugh) Manufactured Superstars? You would be preparing yourself to hear the worst song of all time, right?

Well, you’re an idiot, and a snob. This song is fucking great.

Also, Simple Life was pretty much the funniest TV show of the last ten years. I think I’m ready to say it: Paris Hilton rules.

Follow Jamie on Twitter: @JLCT