INTERVIEWS BY BRIONY WRIGHT, PHOTOS BY NATALIE NIKITOVIC



Karaoke rooms are like pressure cookers for bad behavior. Evidently, something about being locked in a confined space with a bunch of overpriced alcohol and a machine that amplifies your warbling brings out the worst in people. I know this because over the past six or so years I’ve been a frequent offender. I’ve snuck cheap booze into private rooms, lit up joints and cigarettes (and put them out on the carpet), snorted lines off the song list, smoked DMT under the table, danced on the furniture with my shoes on, written on the walls, mistreated the electronic equipment, and stolen anything that wasn’t screwed down. I’ve done all of these things with an inexplicable feeling of entitlement, rarely sparing a thought for the employees and managers who’ve silently cleaned up my friend’s vomit before replacing the microphones, tambourines, posters, and vases that I’ve taken home. The rancid cherry on top of this curdled sundae for our accommodating hosts must involve having to endure hundreds of retarded renditions of terrible songs each and every weekend.

In short, thanks to drunken assholes such as myself, working in a karaoke joint must be one of the worst jobs on the planet. We asked some of the people behind our favorite establishments here in Melbourne, Australia, about how they deal with their lot and found out whether the job has made them hate music, and people, forever.

 

HELEN, SHANGHAI CLUB Vice: Hi Helen. How long have you been working here?
Helen: Wow, that’s a long time. You must really be sick of the sound of people singing.
That’s so gracious of you. What kind of people tend to make up your customer base?
What do people tend to sing?
You must have seen a lot of crazy stuff working here for 20 years.
Has the smoking ban affected your business? So it sounds like you actually enjoy doing this. What’s one annoying aspect of your job?
What do you listen to when you go home at night?

 

MATT, CHI LOUNGE Vice: How long has Chi Lounge been operating?
Matt: Not on your watch. What do you think encouraged the surge of interest in karaoke among Westerners?
Is there a difference in how each culture approaches karaoke?
Right.
Do you think people tend to get more drunk doing karaoke than they would at a regular bar?
How bad can the singing get?
How do you deal with people dancing on the furniture?
Are there particular songs or artists that always pop up?
And you’ve seen some real degradation here, right?
Do you have to put a stop that kind of thing?
That must really hurt.
Has doing this made you like music less?

 

JAMES, MELBOURNE KARAOKE LOUNGE

Vice: How long have you been here, James?
James: Your place is a bit different in that it’s one main room where strangers and friends sing in front of everybody. How many people can you fit in here on a busy night?
It must turn into quite the party.
You’re not even full up on a Saturday night?
Well, that’s a shame. Would you ever try to run a karaoke place again somewhere different?
What kind of music do you listen to yourself?

 

NORIKO, KARAOKE WORLD

Vice: What do you do at Karaoke World?
Noriko: Do people actually sing during the day?
Australian Idol Have you ever worked the night shift?
How would you rate most of the people who come to sing there?
What do people tend to sing most?
What kind of music do you like to listen to yourself? Why is that?
And do people tend to sing better than they do here? Do they have better voices?

 

JACK, K-BOX

Vice: Are you the manager at K-Box?
Jack: What shifts do you work?
Why do you think people do karaoke?
What kind of songs do you find to be the most popular?
Like Guns N’ Roses?
Do you sing karaoke yourself? Do you have a good voice?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your time working here?
Do you have cameras in the rooms?
What’s your least favorite type of music?