Oooh, festivals! What a great laugh they are, eh? I’ve been going to as many festivals as I possibly can for as long as I can remember. Not only do festivals have hundreds of totally amazing bands all in the same area, they’re also a great way of bonding with your fellow festival-goers and hanging out with them while queuing in line for 45 minutes to take a shit. Oh hang on, what am I talking about? Festivals aren’t great at all. In fact, I totally fucking hate them.

Why, you ask? Well, I suppose part of my ill will towards festivals is
derived from a feeling of being left out. I want to enjoy them like
everyone else, but it seems a bit rich getting people to pay a
truckload of money to be treated like medieval peasants. These are the
reasons festivals get my goat.