I more or less understand what I’m supposed to do here. I know that I
should be expounding on how Kota the Triceratops, a £300 40-inch ridable robotic dinosaur just released in the UK, is a perfect
storm of consumerism and technological hedonism. It’s a bold-faced
insult to everyone alive who has even the most cursory understanding of
the economic happenings of the past month or so…

I could talk about the
inexplicable link between irony and dinosaurs. “Philip K Dick would be
rolling in his grave” might be an appropriate observation, as would
“DINOSAURS WOULD EAT YOU, YOU LITTLE SHITS.” But right now I cannot do
anything except wish until my ears bleed that this abomination can
support all my 57 kilos when I roll into Woolworth’s after work today,
cranked out on Appletiser and memories of my lost youth. Also, I hope
this thing can crush beer cans.

ARIANNA