As anyone who has ever arrived early for a Gossip or Long Blondes show will know, Wet Dog  are three girls who play the sort of tetchy post-punk that makes you want stop using deodorant. They finally got their shit together to release an album so we dropped in and had a word.

Wet Dog – “Alibi”

Vice: Why should anyone care about you guys?

Rivika: I suppose they’re are a lot of bands about at the moment, but have they all got three vaginas?

Some of them have got four…
Rivika: Mmm, but we’re a six-breasted three piece. You’re not going to find any eight-breasted three pieces are you?

Billy: Actually I went out with someone with four nipples.

Aren’t
extra nipples always a bit of a let down? Like you’re expecting the
world’s biggest freakshow and you just get a slightly sweaty mole.

Billy: They had hairs around them, like proper nipples. And they were quite sensitive.

Can they become aroused?
Billy: They enjoyed being touched. I think they had a mind.

Ok, so, three vaginas, six breasts, that’s a good start…

Sarah: We’ve got a 22-track album. That’s good value.
Rivika: And I’m going to get us on Jo Whiley’s show by seducing her. She’s fit.

I read in a red-top that she’s got three nipples.
Rivika: See, there you go. We’ve got a pre-existing interest in extra nipples. That’s our in.

Sarah: We could offer to get one removed for her.
Rivika: No, that would offend her. We should encourage growth.

But you have been doing this being-in-a-band shit since day. What’s been going on?
Billy: They’ve been doing this for time. Then I joined and everything started to happen.

Rivika: We started hanging out with boys and neglected our instruments
for about a year. Plus it took three years to pick the right font for
the album cover.
Billy: And the right kerning on the font.
Sarah: Basically we argued for so long over the font that, by the time we decided, we already had 22 songs to stick on the album.

Billy: I disappeared into a drugs hole. Which was quite nice.

Do you like being in the band now?
Rivika: We love it.
Sarah:
Actually, it’s kinda shit. It gets in the way. I just want to get on with my
career in the office. Still, it pays the bills I guess. Can I tell my
joke now?

Go for it.
Sarah: Went out with some friends last night for a bit of Turkish food. Things got a bit meze.

SAM WOLFSON

*Wet Dog’s Enterprise Reversal is out now.