“Black Jettas” was kind of all
right in a jokey sort of way for like six minutes, but after reading
this we’ve come to realize that there is no way that Ima Robot could
ever write a seriously good song because their whole life is a really
bad joke. Just like this gut-wrencher: 16 kicked-out band members in nine years? Who do you think you are, Destiny’s Child? Heyoo! But for some serious hilarity, please consider the following, the actual, honest-to-god, swear-we-didn’t-make-this-up-under-penalty-of-being-suspended-over-an-open-flame-by-our-pit-hairs-and-pubes promotional letter good old Ima’s publicist sent out with their new album.

DEAR DIARY,

I love being in Ima Robot. It is a
very fun band. We make the best music on the planet I would say.
People say we are going to take over the world.I think that would be
really neat. I would be a very kind and yet strong leader if we took
over the world. Like President Bush. Just kidding – my step dad
likes him but I think he’s stupid. Anyway, we recorded our 2nd
record over the summer with this old dude who wore see-through tank
tops and lighting bolt earrings named David Bendeth. He’s ok. He
knows a lot about how to pick up on strippers and stuff, so that’s
cool. It took a long time to record. I had to go out to New York to
do vocals which is cool because I had so much weird things happening
in LA with girls that leaving was actually a blessing!

Anyway, now that the record is DONE
(Finally!) and I think it’s going to be the album of the year. I
can’t wait to get the Grammy for it. I’ll thank EVERYONE. (I
promise!). It’s got SO many cool songs on it. I feel bad about
writing Creeps Me Out about Jenny though-she got really bummed. But
it was all so true-I just had to write about it!

Anyway, it’s sad that JMJ left us for
Beck again. But I understand-he’s older and has a baby and needs
money and stuff. Oh well, my friend Filip Nikolic is playing bass now
for us and he rocks. And also its cool we have Scott Devours on
drums. Devours is his REAL last name, which is toally RAD! That’s how
I knew he would work—plus, he’s Timmy’s cousin (weird!)..He really
likes mangos too.

I guess changes are all good though
because me and Timmy the Terror started Ima Robot so long ago-like 9
YEARS ago! That’s so crazy…Anyway—we’ve gone through like 7
drummers, 5 bassists, and 4 keyboarders! So really, it doesn’t matter
who’s in our band! Haha…is that mean? I feel weird having said
that…oh well, it’s pretty true.

My mananger told me the record is
gonna come out in August. Hottest month for the hottest record!
Haha…

I can’t wait to go on tour again-girl
complications-LA’s so small-it’ll be good to get away.

I wonder what we’ll name the
record…coming up with names is hard…oh well, it’ll come.

Until the next time (I rock your
fucking socks off!)

-Alex Ebert [singer guy]

[PS: We are 100% serious about this. If you don’t believe us we will fax you a copy so you can authenticate the robo-head watermark on their stationery for yourself.]