Over the years I have come up with some ingenious, inventive designs to help mankind. I have written them all in a notebook. I have showed this notebook to no one. I have been meaning to submit them to the patent office but I just haven’t gotten around to it. Not a whole lot of time for patenting with all that porn I have to watch. But soon I will bring my inventions to life and then the world will bow before us. [ ] Bah ha ha haha ha. Coming soon: the top-loader laptop. TOP-LOADER LAPTOP A MOUTHLESS WOMAN Twilight Zone A CELL PHONE WITH LASERS Star Trek Star Wars PERMANENT WINDOW-LOCK BUTTON TITTY-MILK-CATCHING BAG A LIGHT THAT NEVER GOES OUT AN EXERCISING MEXICAN THE VICE CAMERA Vice LONNIE SOUND-BITE MACHINE Vice