The Noisey Guide To Yacht Rap

Yacht rap, if you’re weren’t sure, is the crème de la crème of luxurious rap music, preferably to be enjoyed while wearing silk against your skin and cutting into premium fillet steak. A yacht rap beat can be identified by the presence of funky bass, breezy 80s keyboards, and ideally the sampling of a harp or Carlos Santana song. In fact, the looser the connection to actual rap music the better – so if you can seamlessly replace the featured rapper with Luther Vandross then the chances are you’re onto a winner.

Yacht rap is also the perfect antidote to austerity, music for living wildly beyond your means. It says: “Don’t let a lack of funds get between you and a good time, just stick a yacht on a bogus credit card and hit the high seas. Sure, the consequences will be severe, but I give it at least three days before the law catches up and boy-oh-boy what a RUSH.”

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If we’re going to say goodbye to everything we’ve ever loved in the name of a 72-hour yacht binge (oh sorry, weren’t you listening, that’s the plan now), we’ll first need to source the most lavish yacht rap we can find and assemble it all in one place. Consider this the starting point. It’s time we put the Moët on ice and left our troubles on land.

Rick Ross – “Yacht Club Remix”

It feels appropriate to start with Rick Ross, who is probably doing more for capitalism than anyone working at any major label today. J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League, who made the beat for this, are the brains behind his yachtiest of yacht rap anthems. Almost all of their collaborations with Rawse make for a perfect companion to the consumption of seafood. The “Yacht Club” video sets a strong precedent for how this trip is panning out in my head, right down to those matching sailin’ shirts that I’m getting printed up as we speak.

Ryan Hemsworth – “Hyperbolic Chamber Music”

Surely there can be no arguing the status of Ryan Hemsworth’s “Hyperbolic Chamber Music” as the yacht rap anthem of 2012. This is a beat so decadent that it felt nothing other than appropriate when Mishka decided to loop it for 22 minutes, inviting all of their rap buddies to climb on board. I didn’t make it out to sea last year, but in the yacht parties of my dreams there were dolphins slutdropping to this wherever I turned.

Fiend – “Baby”

At some point during his early career as Ruff Ryder and No Limit Soldier, Fiend acquired the taste for a more elegant, smooth-talking style. Take away the clickedy-clack drum pattern and “Baby” is a jaunty incidental number, but when it all comes together there’s no denying its status as yacht rap banger. In the video, Fiend’s enjoying the classic “how many big-bootied honeys can I fit on this tiny-ass boat” game that we’ll all be playing once we reach international waters.

Raekwon ft. AZ – “‘86 Remix”

If we’re going to be sailing around living the life of an Arabian prince, we’re going to need an on-board chef to cook the lobster – and who better than The Chef, Raekwon. Teaming up with Brooklyn veteran AZ, Rae takes a break from Shaolin storytelling so he can flow on the three tenets of yacht rap: comfortable jackets, Jacuzzis and hanging out with Bruno Mars.

Shade Sheist Ft. Nate Dogg and Kurupt – “Where I Wanna Be”

There’s no room for war on board the Good Ship Yacht Rap, and I’d struggle to think of a better advert for peace than Shade Sheist’s “Where I Wanna Be”. Nate Dogg’s earworm of a chorus is what we all remember, but it’s his verse that tells the real story: touching down in New York wearing bulletproof everything only to find hip-hop’s coast-to-coast feud dissolved. “So I quickly dispose of my shank” he sings in that angelic voice of his – and it’s a beautiful thing. Pour one out for Nate.

Antwon – “Get Out of My Face”

The top YouTube comment on this video is “Since when did Uncle Phil start rappin?”. That guy just gets it. Not only is Antwon rocking his best dad-shirt and shorts combo in the video, but this is exactly the kind of smooth saxophone joint that uncles in Bel Air should be blasting from their luxury saloons and mid-life-crisis mobiles.

Jay Z Feat. UGK – “Big Pimpin’”

This gets included purely because Jay has the biggest boat, and because I want Bun B to be on board ours.

Rick Ross Feat. NeYo – “Maybach Music IV”

This guide is bookended with another Officer Ross / J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League collaboration. Let’s face it, this is Rozay’s domain. This song has probably the most decadent introduction that I’ve ever heard, and in the very first bar Ross is bragging about having a seizure – such is the model of overindulgence that is his lifestyle. Surely this is a goal that we can all aspire to achieve?

Follow Kyle on Twitter @KyleEllison