The “100 Men vs One Gorilla” debate has been raging across the internet, with millions contributing vibes-based opinions that would more than likely result in the needless deaths of 100 dudes at the hands of one mighty and extraordinarily pissed-off silverback made of 400 pounds of pure muscle.

But if you actually ask someone who knows a thing or two about wildlife, they might be able to provide a more grounded, scientific answer than whatever bullshit you’re going on about on Twitter/X.

Rolling Stone did just that. Rather than trying to answer it themselves, they contacted animal experts for their takes.

The short version: the dudes might win. Very heavy emphasis on the word might.

Ron Magill, a conservationist and communications director of Zoo Miami who makes regular appearances on The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, says this hypothetical is a horror movie waiting to happen. He thinks 100 super-fit 20-somethings might win if they’re willing to accept dozens of broken necks, bite wounds, crushed windpipes, and the kind of blunt force trauma usually caused by medieval siege weaponry.

Don’t expect a coordinated military strike, and fully expect an immediate blow to the men’s morale the second one of the bros gets smashed into quivering red paste. Magill suggests forming a “human straitjacket” to smother the crazed gorilla under a pile of bloodthirsty guys being dudes.

Is that just a prelude to the gorilla bursting out from beneath the mass of bros like Superman shaking off so many henchmen? Maybe! Remember, all of this is strictly hypothetical and literally anything could happen if this absurd scenario were to somehow transpire in real life, which it absolutely should not.

A primatologist who studies apes for a living, Cat Hobaiter, is even less optimistic. If this brawl takes place in high-altitude gorilla turf? The bros are going to get wrecked so hard that the grim and gruesome brutality will almost be funny. “They wouldn’t stand a chance,” she says.

So no, 100 men aren’t taking down a gorilla. Not without an asterisk and maybe a mass grave. Now that’s settled, let’s all stop talking about it before some dipshit influencer gets the brilliant idea of actually trying it out, thus completely sucking the fun and whimsy out of the conversation.