Steve Smith Sr. is the holiday gift that keeps on giving.

Pete Gilbert of WBAL radio is a human lump of coal.

How could one man—some unholy combination of the Grinch, the Winter Warlock, Mr. Potter, the kid that beat up Thurman Merman, Scut Farkus, and his toady Grover Dill—bestowed with such an important high-profile media position get something so seasonally important, so Christmas-y centric, so jing-jing-a-ling-ly vital, so damn wrong?

THIS IS ELF:

AND THIS IS ELF:

AND ONE MORE TIME, THIS IS ELF:

It’s even monogrammed across his chest. Bah!

And this is the Elf on the Shelf:

(And Flakes. And one of Santa’s toothy admirers.)

Get it together, Gilbert.

Sorry to get all Scrooge on here, but sometimes Yuletide ignorance leaves us no choice. Mr. Smith, however, you remain the best. In your familial spirit of joy and novelty felt post-practice holiday apparel, I want to wish you all—even you, Gilbert—a very merry Christmas filled with presents and rapping.