Are All of These People Going to Die When Beyoncé Releases a New Album?

November 3, 2014, 6:55pm

OMG! Guys. Have you heard the rumors going around that Beyoncé will be releasing a new album later this month? Nobody knows if this is true or not, but holy shit it’s exciting, because, duh, Beyonce is the best at everything always because, duh, Beyonce.

However, despite all this excitement (you can see the listing on Amazon in the UK here), something Beyoncé needs to understand is that if she does decide to drop an album and surprise the world, most of her fanbase will die.

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Don’t believe me? Let’s look at the facts:

If Beyoncé releases a new album I won’t survive it like I will literally die
— Josie (@jofesday) November 3, 2014

If Beyoncé has a surprise album I will literally and figuratively shit my pants tbh
— ♚Queen Bee♚ (@DailyDoseOfBey) November 3, 2014

If Beyonce release another album i think i might just DIE.
— Tay (@Como_TAY_Llamas) November 3, 2014

If Beyoncé drops another album. I might just die.
— Mollza (@Mollza) November 3, 2014

Is this Beyoncè album rumour real? I’ll die. I thought it would be at least another year…
— Miss Atomic Bomb ⚡ (@otherwilgrayson) November 3, 2014

Rumours of Beyoncé dropping volume 2 of her album, think I’ll die! I’m not ready!
— Blair (@bwstarr) November 3, 2014

beyonce is releasing a new album, I’m going to die.
— helen (@abou_helen) November 3, 2014

BEYONCÉ IS GOING TO DROP A NEW ALBUM AND IM GOING TO DIE
— taylor (@weedkins) November 3, 2014

I swear if Beyoncé really does release an Album this Month I will die of Happiness
— Birthday Nov 5th! (@23_MikeB) November 3, 2014

If beyonce really releases this surprise album on the 14th I will die and go to heaven
— Derricka Bruce (@PARTYn_BULLSHxT) November 3, 2014

beyoncé has no fucking chill if she drops another album randomly i will MOST LIKELY DIE ugh
— YA GURL TARIKA (@coolgurl666) November 3, 2014

If Beyoncé has a new album out next week OMG will die
— Liv (@oliviaknightoxo) November 3, 2014

If Beyoncé comes out with yet ANOTHER album this month i will probably die/ throw up/ cry for 70 yrs
— Angaconda (@Orange_Glasses_) November 3, 2014

If Beyoncé releases a new album I won’t survive it like I will literally die
— Josie (@jofesday) November 3, 2014

I WILL DIE. RT @GlobalGrind: Is Beyonce going to drop another secret album in a few weeks? http://t.co/qUyeNwoLVC pic.twitter.com/BeRZQvhSIN
— joshlyn manickum (@pianogurl13) November 3, 2014

Scary stuff, I know. Beyonce, please think about your actions before you decide to release a new album. Countless lives literally depend on it.

Eric Sundermann is on Twitter.