Have you ever had this happen? You’re just walking along through the tropical night and some fine young thing coos to you from the darkness, “Come over here, take all of your clothes off and ravish me, you beast–right here in this rice paddy.” You don’t waste a minute, right? You bolt over, depant, and get to work. But then she’s all, “Mooooo,” and the situation becomes distinctly more sticky. Or less, maybe. Whatever texture a situation is supposed to take on when you realize you’ve been fucking a cow.

This happened to a guy in Bali, as my newspaper, the Jakarta Globe, reported today. Here’s what he had to say about being discovered naked, screwing a cow in a rice paddy: “She was calling to me, making flattering comments, then I had sex with her.”

But the more disturbing part comes a little further down:

As is usual in such situations—this is the second recorded instance of cow rape in Bali in about two years—the animal will be drowned at sea in a Pecaruan cleansing ceremony intended to rid the village of what Legawa described as “dirty behavior.”

Man, that island truly is the party capital of Southeast Asia. This also redefines the once-enviable job of Kuta cowboy, am I right?

ADAM MARTIN

Photo by Margery Freeman