D.J. is mijn kleine broer. Hij is geboren in 1986. In willekeurige volgorde is hij crackhead, kruimeldief, high school dropout, schizofreen, apotheekbediende, drugsdealer, hoerenloper, op de vlucht, winkelbediende, saxofonist, competitiezwemmer, anorectisch patiënt en een illegale messenhandelaar geweest. Hij heeft vier auto’s in de prak gereden, hij is gearresteerd omdat hij zijn vader had geslagen, hij heeft in het ziekenhuis gelegen met een ingeklapte long en drie gebroken ribben na een gevecht met zijn beste vriend, en is zes keer geïnterneerd voor hypomanie.

Hij was een alcoholist op zijn dertiende en probeerde me te kussen op een avond dat mijn ouders weg waren. Ook heb ik naaktfoto’s van mezelf in zijn laden gevonden. Toen hij 15 was maakte hij wijn in de kelder die hij op het internet probeerde te verkopen. Op zijn zestiende nam hij een overdosis dieetpillen waardoor zijn maag moest leeggepompt worden. Op 17 jaar maakte hij namaakgeld dat hij gebruikte om een elektronische kluis te kopen. Hij bewaarde er drugs, wapens, geld, en brieven van meisjes in. Als wereldreiziger bezocht hij Engeland, Frankrijk, Italië, Spanje, België, Kroatië, Tsjechië, China, Japan, Marokko, Puerto Rico, Californië en Florida. Hij is 1m70 en zijn gewicht varieert tussen 60 kg en 120 kg. Hij houdt dagboeken bij die lezen als betalingsbeloftes en politieverklaringen. Hij is geen racist. Hij heeft een paar geweren. Hij gelooft niet in God maar voelt zich diep geraakt door de magie van de realiteit en haar grijze zones. Hij doucht tweemaal per dag en slaapt tot in de namiddag. Op een donderdag, zes weken geleden, ging hij bij het leger. Kort daarna zat hij op een vliegtuig naar Missouri waar zijn negen weken durende training begon. Dit zijn de brieven die hij naar huis stuurde…

Dear Mom and Dad,
How are you? I’m OK. I’m still at the reception and am waiting to go to basic training. I will leave the reception and start on Thursday probably. I can’t wait. I’m surrounded by rednecks and hicks, but some are not so bad. They respect me because of fear so it’s okay. The ones that don’t like me shut up when I pass them by. Anyway, everyone now is tense because basic training starts soon and because of cabin fever, so there have been some fights. I like it here and am happy. It’s like going to a sleep-away camp or something. How is your heart, dad? Are you feeling good? We have camaraderie here. It’s like boarding school, but we don’t rat each other out. Everyone shuts their mouth around here if something happens. It’s great. I’m going to do some sit-ups. Write me when I give you my real address.
Love, D.J.

Dear Mom and Dad,
How are you? I am fine. I love basic training so far even though I’m in the reception still. I am confident it will go well. We have been disciplined a lot so far but there will be more later. Frankly, I got used to it after the first five minutes. I love you mom and dad, thank you so much for your support. I got my full army uniform with combat boots. They are awesome, very comfortable. I’ll get a picture of me soon I think. Write me back.
Love, D.J.

Dear Mom, Dad, Brothers, and Sisters
How are you all? I am having a great time at Basic Training. On Monday I’m getting my M16 A2 Assault rifle, which I’ll learn to maintain and assemble before shooting. I haven’t been in any trouble here with my drill sergeant, just minor things that I get yelled at for, but nothing serious. I’m almost done with week one and there are eight weeks left. Later I’m going to learn infantry tactics, more than they would teach us during peace time, and I’m going to also learn about IED bombs and how to detect them. I am very excited about graduating and the final phase of basic training. You all have to come for my graduation. Tell Joana to write me a letter. Please write me some letters.
Love, D.J.

Dear Mom,
How are you? I’m OK. I’m making friends, but I have an ingrown toenail that I’m getting fixed tomorrow and I’m irritated a lot and piss other people off. I’m having fun though. Yesterday I did the bayonet course. We attached bayonets to dummy bayonet M16 A2s and stabbed, slashed, smashed dummy targets made of tires and metal, and other rubber. We had to parry and then stab the target in the chest. We then did an obstacle course in the woods and had to scream while running up obstacles and stabbing and slashing targets. We had to crawl under barbed wire too. The day before that we did another obstacle course that was an endurance course with bars and stuff. Today we went up the victory tower and repelled from about 85 feet, like five or six stories high. I have had a bad ingrown toenail for about three to four days and am finally going tomorrow to get it fixed. I couldn’t go earlier because I had to attend those courses as a graduation requirement. I love cough drops here. Please send me some because they confiscated them during reception. Send like four or five bags of Halls. Some with Vitamin C. Please. I’m getting really toned and getting cut, I weigh 175 pounds. Please also send some Gold Bond foot powder. How are you? How is the family? How is Greta? We need to name our M16 A2 rifles, so I’m naming it Greta, she’ll save my life in combat! What is going on with the news? Are we invading any countries? Next week we’re going in a gas chamber with tear gas and gas masks as a training exercise. They do it in every basic training. Please send me those items. I will have spoken to you on the phone by the time this letter arrives.
Love, D.J.

Dear Mom,
How are you? I wish I could have called, maybe I still can, but I don’t think so, because all the phone calls were suppose to be on Saturday. I asked but I didn’t really get an answer. I’ll ask again at lunch. How is home? I miss you mom and dad. I can’t wait till all this training is over and I get deployed. Things will be a lot more fun then. There are times of the day when I am happy and other parts when I question myself, “Why am I here?” I’m happy more so, today is Sunday, and I finally get some rest. Your muscles get tired by the end of the week. I always put my effort into my workouts. My drill sergeant is making us write an essay about why you shouldn’t leave a battle buddy behind. A 200-word essay. I hate writing these stupid essays! The only point of it is to break us down and make us feel like shit. I’m OK though, I’m just tired that’s it. We lost our flag because some people don’t shut the fuck up in formation and it gets us in trouble. People don’t listen and are quitting. I hate talking badly about my fellow soldiers because I hate when the drill sergeant does. Mostly everyone is getting pissed at this point. My platoon is the only one in the whole company that doesn’t have a flag. Yesterday I went to sick call and got half of my toenail removed because it was ingrown. It feels a lot better now, and I got a lot of meds, mostly creams. One antibacterial, some ibuprofen, some cold meds, and an antifungal cream. It is funny sometimes to watch someone get in trouble. I heard one guy at the dining table yelling continuously as punishment, “Do not walk and chew, do not disrespect drill sergeants, do not lick your fingers with barbeque sauce!” over and over again, and the drill sergeants were all laughing at him. Tomorrow we’re supposed to start basic rifle marksmanship. Today I think I’m going to write some letters, then I’m going to clean my room and my locker, get organized. I’m going to finish the essay, then go to sleep early, and since I don’t have fire guard tonight I will get another hour of sleep, very good I think. Then I’m going to wake up to do physical fitness and start the day’s training. This week we’re training in unarmed combat, and GRM I think. How is home? I love you so much, and I miss you. How is Tess, Simona, Thomas, Greta, and Charley? Tell them to write me letters. Please send me some family photos as well. My graduation is on November 16th, 2006. Make sure you come. You can come and then we can go to St. Louis or a restaurant or something. Please send me some Laundry Sheets, I’m running low. I do my laundry often because I go through clothes so quick because of the sweat. I love you mom.
Love, D.J.

Dear Charlotte,
How are you? I’m OK. Today was a fun day. We went to a gas chamber and had to inhale tear gas and I practiced using a gas mask, an M41. It is state of the art equipment. Actually, the gas mask wasn’t that good. For training alone it works 90%. When we came out of the gas chamber we were drooling snot coming out of our noses, some people bled from the nose and some threw up. We felt very motivated that we got through it. We didn’t have the mask on for two to three minutes. The gas fucks you up, but you recover soon. Within 24 hours it will be like it never happened. I did a few obstacle courses, the warrior tower, confidence course and bayonet training (my favorite). Today we have to write a 500-word paper on what we would do during a biological attack and our battle buddy went crazy and took his mask off. Ha ha ha, that article was very funny. My drill sergeant probably read it because the seal on the envelope was broken and taped.* You have a sense of humor. How’s mom? Dad? Don’t stress family issues too much, I feel the same way you do.
Love, D.J.

* I’d written “TOP SECRET” over the seal of the envelope and included a map of the country that shows which states outlaw anal sex.