The Worst Things That Kanye West Has Ever Done

Any band can release two wanky singles and have a Greatest Hits record. Just ask Hilary Duff. But for some reason no one has ever released a Worstest Hits record. Enter Noisey.

Kanye West is an incredible artist who, despite releasing six records, has made it impossible for us to finger-point an outright seminal release. 808s and Heartbreak inspired everyone from Drake to James Blake to Frank Ocean to T-pain. Yeezus broke hearts, The College Dropout changed lives and My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy smacked everyone around the face with an aural paintbrush that validated West’s penchant for realised portraiture. And Late Registration and Graduation were pretty great, too.

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But Yeezy has also done a bunch of bad stuff. I’m not talking about the Taylor Swift incident, the George Bush incident, the Zane Lowe incident. I’m talking about the shit he thinks everyone’s forgotten about.

Here’s Kanye West’s Worstest Hits.

HE REMIXED FALL OUT BOY

By the time Fall Out Boy released their third record Infinity On High, everyone in rap music wanted a piece of Pete Wentz’s penis and eye-liner empire. Jay Z introduced the record with a bit of spoken word and for the deluxe edition Travis McCoy, Lil Wayne, Lupe Fiasco and Kanye West jumped on a remix of “This Ain’t A Scene, It’s A Goddamn Arms Race” which features the following bar:

“In spite of anything you might’ve seen or heard/ This scene occurred/ Word”

HE WAS IN THE LOVE GURU

The Love Guru is one of those films that always looks up at me from the shelves of a Computer Entertainment Exchange begging to be bought, just so it doesn’t have to spend another night get molested by a dusty copy of Free Willy 2. Anyway, Kanye West was in it.

Best line: “I love hockey!”

THIS TERRIBLE (BUT NOT SO TERRIBLE) THING

People can act like Yeezus was Kanye’s first attempt at destroying the dancefloor, but they obviously haven’t heard “Alors On Dance (Feat Kanye West & Gilbere Forte)”. This is a track that is the aural assimilation of all of the worst (or best) parts of the club easily conjuring up the role call made by snap-backed bros, the lopsided photo face made by the girls, and the taste of bright coloured liquids that cost £1. Personally, I love it and it’s my new favourite song, BNM, 9.0, please play at all pre-drinks forever. Strangely, Sam Wolfson hates it and made me put it in.

THE MEGAUPLOAD ADVERT

The era of Megaupload was a halcyon one in which watching a relevant and easily-tweetable Stateside show didn’t involve sifting through Putlocker and having Dave from MyFreeCams.Net invade your speaker to announce that he “has the secret free live cams”. Unfortunately, ~the man~ killed Megaupload and Kim Dotcom had to rebrand under the MEGA umbrella. All that lives of Megauploads past is this advert which somehow managed to feature every celebrity ever, despite the fact that we’re frequently told downloading is bad, don’t do it, fuck you, buy our records.

AND THIS ONE WITH MADONNA THAT ALSO SUCKS

And here’s another Kanye West featuring track that, despite featuring Madonna AND Pharrell, sounds as bad as if it only featured Madonna. TBH though, Kanye did say that he used to jack off over Madonna all the time, so he was probably only in it to deposit into the wank bank.

HIS “NUMBER ONE INSPIRATION” WAS RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS

This kind of cute video from the start of Kanye’s career where he talks about how he listens to RHCP album every day before he starts recording and then starts singing “By The Way”. Adorable but unacceptable.

THE ABSOLUT VODKA ADVERTS

“How many times have you told yourself I feel famous and powerful on the inside but nobody sees it that way on the outside?”

THE TIME THAT HE TRIED TO CHIRPSE KERI HILSON

Sure, Kanye West may be married to a real-life gossip mag, but back in the day Yeezy was on his chirpse game heavy. Check out the time that he tried to creep on Keri Hilson in front of a camera. This is sort of like everytime I’ve spent in a smoking area, watching wet-look boys drunkenly slur words and eye-fucking like they’ve never seen a grown woman before.

HE LOOKS SO NAFF IN EVERY MAGAZINE COVER HE’S EVER DONE

The new cover of Interview is really cool, but why did it take Kanye so long to master his cover pose?

HE WROTE THIS JANET JACKSON SONG

In 2003, alongside John Legend and like four other people, Kanye wrote and produced this song for Janet Jackson. It’s the very definition of meh.

HE DESTROYED MICHAEL JACKSON

‘Ye loves Michael Jackson like an unborn grandchild. He’s referenced him in a bunch of songs from “All Of The Lights” through to “Through The Wire” and countlessly drops bars in interviews where he compares his current fashion plight to MJ’s struggle to get videos played on MTV. So, to get the official remix to “Billie Jean” must have been Kanye’s equivalent of the time I recieved an N64 for my 9th birthday, all excitement and fist-pumps to the air. Shame then, that all he did was add a couple of “Yeah” and “Uhh”‘s to the end and warp the rest of the record to sound like a bootleg ringtone version and wait a second why does this even exist.

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